Buffy the Vampire Slayer – “New Kid on the Block”
Dark Horse Comics – Feb/March 1999
Writer: Andi Watson and Dan Brereton
Artists: Hector Gomez, Guy Major, and Sandu Florea
Editor: Scott Allie


Can I just stress to you how mad I am? After the events of Haunted I thought I was done with Buffy comics until those that take place during Season 4. So I was all excited to get home from work today to watch the first episode of “BtVS” I’d seen in years. But, alas… I had to go look and see if there were any high-school era comics I’d missed in my ol’ Omnibi.

There are at least 9.

This first one I’d missed is done by the same fucksticks that lacked the talent to make any of these comics any good. I don’t know who continued to let these guys make shit in with the Buffy name attached, but I suppose they brought in money and, I guess, still do since I’m still buying these things.

This comic takes place so early in Season 3 that Cordelia and Xander are still an item, so before Lover’s Walk, which is a long damned time ago. Some new girl named Cynthia is in town and Xander is head over heels for her. She suggests the crew have a slumber party but – check this shit – she’s actually some fact vampire’s daughter. And a demon. Why? How did it happen? Who the fuck cares, apparently, because next thing you know Buffy and co. spew out literally 23 bad puns and one-liners in a row before killing everything 100%. Then the comic ends.

Cynthia and Spooky Truth or Dare

The art is so bad, I’d almost forgotten how abysmal it all looks. Oz is about the only character that looks even close to right, with Willow a close second, but only because she’s the only character with BRIGHT RED HAIR in the show and the comics. Aside from this, its just plain bad. So bad I’m never going to have a kid because I don’t want them to grow up in a world where things like this exist. I’m sorry, future-unborn-son/daughter, but Buffy comics are so shitty that there was nothing to do but keep you from being born.

Hope you don’t mind. Blame Scott Allie.

I do.

At the end of the day: I just wanna drink to forget this. Oh well, at least I only have 700 MORE BUFFY COMICS TO READ BEFORE I CAN WATCH THE DAMNED SHOW AGAIN!!!